#2017yearoftrips

People think we are crazy.  Well, this is isn't exactly new news.  Jon and I have been living on this side of nuts since we started our family with twin boys and then added two more boys fairly quickly.  We are use to stares, sometimes literal gasps, questions about our crazy schedules and general inquiries into our capers. But this year, we have been on a super fun, non-traditional and a bit wild (for suburban parents of four elementary aged kiddos) goal.  We call it #2017yearoftrips because we are amazingly creative too. 

#2017yearoftrips is exactly what you think it is.  It is a year of squeezing in lots and lots of trips -- just the two of us!  Yep, you read that right, lots of trips.  Specifically many, many trips without our kids. Did I mention it is just the two of us? I might have been a teeny, tiny bit excited about this because this went from "trips" to actual vacations. It started out as a joke that quickly turned into a dream and then a reality.  

At first we thought of taking one big trip, but then when we realized Southwest flies to mostly domestic locations, we joked about taking a trip every month. 

It was a joke for about 30 seconds and then we wondered "Could we really pull this off?  Could we replace regular date nights with a monthly trip? If we did 1-3 night trips, we could do them over weekends, holidays, etc." And thus, #2017yearoftrips was born.

We have gotten more questions about this #2017yearoftrips than anything else this year.  So, I thought, why not blog about it?  So here goes with all the nitty, gritty details.

First, always sit in the exit aisle (more legroom!) plus if there is a crash, you sorta get to be in charge of evacuation procedures.  I love being in charge! 

Back to the questions:

Why now?  Financial reasons pushed us to do it now.  Last August, Jon qualified for and received Southwest's Companion Pass status.  What does this mean exactly?  FREE AIRFARE!!!! It means that everytime he flies on southwest, he can take a companion for free.  Every. Single. Time.  Of course, there are some rules involved.  He received this status last August (so Aug 2016) and it is good through December 31, 2017.  Also, he can change who his companion is only 3 times.  First, he took his brother Mike as a companion on his golf trip.  And I've been his companion ever since (umm..rightfully so).  That means he can change it one last time between now and the end of the year.  But then I can't go on anymore trips, so we'll see about that.

Practically speaking, we seem to be in a good life stage for this.  We don't have any babies/toddlers, so the kids are easier from that perspective - no strollers, packnplays, carseats or equipment of any kind is needed.  Our kids are old enough to dress, feed and wipe themselves, but young enough that they are mostly compliant, don't have huge social lives outside of school and minimal activities. 

How did he get this FREE Companion Pass status?  If you think he did it by traveling for work, you'd be wrong.  He did in a way that financial guru Dave Ramsey would definitely NOT support. He opened two credit cards to get bonuses.  One credit card he opened gave him 60,000 reward points and the other gave him 40,000 points.  Then we just put ALL of our expenses on the cards until we earned an additional 10,000 points (of course, you need to be able to pay off these cards each month so you cannot go nuts).  These credit card deals aren't always available or with the same amount of bonuses, so you have to time this correctly.  A post on those details will be coming shortly. Once you have 110,000 points -- you will get your companion pass status and be ready to start booking flights. Woohoo!!! Time to head to Southwest's Low Fare Calendar!

How do we book flights? Remember those 110,000 points that we have on Southwest Airlines? Now is the fun part.  Making those points stretch as far as possible.  There is a big bonus to booking on southwest with points instead of buying with money (besides the obvious financial savings).  Anything booked with miles can be cancelled with no penalties.  That means your points are returned to you with no fees or charges.  So, we regularly check where we can fly to using the least amount of miles and then once we find a great deal, we book it.  We worry about childcare later.  Sometimes we have booked two trips for the same weekend and then cancelled the one with worse weather or more expensive hotels.  Basically, this part is a big 'ole game for us.  I realize this sounds like the worst thing ever to some people, but we love it.

Also, this means that we often take the late friday night flight out of Midway which means arriving at or after midnight.  We've also done 6 am flights (brutal for night owls) but it does save you one night of hotel, so there's that! We've also flown in late on the 4th of July where I was convinced fireworks were going to hit our plane!!!

How do we pick where to go?  Early on, we decided that as much as possible, we wanted to visit places that we had NOT already been to already.  Bonus points if it was a brand-new spot for BOTH of us.  So, we quickly made a list of all the places Southwest flies and ranked them on where we would prefer to go.  So far we have visited Baltimore, Houston, Phoenix, New York City, Puerto Rico, Melbourne Florida (Orlando Airport), Salt Lake City, New Orleans, Sacramento/Sonoma/SanFrancisco and Kansas City.  

I have saved for last what is quite possibly the very most important question...

Who watches your kids?  Anyone with a pulse!  Just kidding.  Seriously though, this is the most challenging aspect of pulling off the trips.  Four boys is no small amount of kids. And, while our kids aren't in a million activities but they do have some, so timing around those important events can be tricky.  Summer is easier from a scheduling perspective but it means that the boys are around ALL day which means they will eat you out of house & home and you may need earplugs because they are LOUD.  During the school year, they're in school for 8 hours, so it's less work, but you have to be able to get them to school, pack lunches, make sure homework is done (not for the faint of heart either).  So it's basically a "pick your poison" scenario.

Both sets of grandparents have done more than their fair share of caring for our boys while we travel.  Jon's brother & wife have helped us several times when grandparents weren't available.  And, we have friends who have helped us too (for this, we usually split the boys up into pairs).  So, we owe a lot of people for their help in caring for our crew.  The boys have actually LOVED this part of it.  The excitement of staying with grandparents, sleepovers with cousins or a weekend at a friend's house with different toys, video games, food and traditions. I can't speak for our family & friends, but for the six of us, it has been a win/win!

In the next couple of weeks, I am going to post separately about each trip including tips on what to do, where to eat, etc.  The one main thing I've learned from traveling is that you can make anywhere fun!  I've been more excited about some destinations than others, but after each trip, I've been blown away by how fun & tasty each destination was to explore.

The Last "First Day of Kindergarten"

It's well after midnight and I cannot believe it, but tomorrow is our last "first day of Kindergarten".  My last baby boy will be joining his three older brothers in school all day, every day.  I am having trouble falling asleep.  I'm not sure if its the cup of regular coffee that I had at 8pm with my cooking club tonight or the millions of thoughts streaming through my head.

I figured tonight was as good a time as any to resurrect this old blog that I have left abandoned the last few years while I was working more and trying to keep up with four boys. 

To say that Caleb is thrilled about starting Kindergarten would be an understatement.  He has literally been counting down the days.  Our school district staggers the start of Kindergarten, so that they start a full week after the rest of the school.  During this past week of just Caleb & I, we filled our days with some special treats like heading to Legoland with a friend, a bike ride to get ice cream, and a playdate at the Morton Arboretum with his cousin Grace.  The week was also filled with lots of our normal staples-- lunch together at our kitchen table, reading books, Caleb playing Star Wars guys in his room while I did a load of laundry or sorted through back to school paperwork.  Mixing in the special & the mundane over this past week seemed like an appropriate way to finish off Caleb's season at home and starting his school career. 

All week, I've been oscillating between tears about this season ending to excitement of what is in store next!  For the past 11 years, I've primarily had my focus on being at home either full-time or part-time.  Sure I've worked, but every job I've taken has been through the lens of being available for the kids.  Jobs where I was fitting the work in during their nap time, preschool hours and at night when Jon was home or after they were tucked into bed.  The past two years, I have been experimenting with different roles outside the home and last fall I made the decision to be at home more than not. 

The past 11 years of mothering was a lovely and messy season for me -- days full of laundry, toddler snuggles, nursing newborns, picking up toys, flushing the always unflushed toilets, making meals and cleaning them up just minutes later, giggles, refereeing fights, reading picture books aloud, runs pushing a jogging stroller, runs on the treadmill while littles napped, snapping photos of the chaos, more laundry, etc.  The magical and mundane all mixed together. 

Early on in this parenting gig, I decided that the phrase "SAVOR EVERY SINGLE MOMENT" did not resonate with me.  It was way too much pressure and I think completely unrealistic.   I'm sorry, not everything is savorable.  The 2 am vomit cleanups, the abandoning a cart full of groceries in target to push a cart full of twin toddlers throwing tantrums to the car and the endless bedtime battles weren't things I savored, they were things I survived.  Instead, I focused on "savoring a moment each day" with each boy.  I spent this last season looking for at least one beautiful moment each and every day.  I found those moments where I got to hold a squishy toddler hand to cross the street, read a book to a preschooler snuggled on each knee, heal a scraped knee with a kiss and band-aid, lay in bed next to a child to get them to fall asleep, recognized a boy sharing without being asked, and more.  Those magical moments were right there everyday squeezed in between all those boring everyday moments. I just had to look for them.

This week my mind has been tempted to look back over this past season, at the failures, at missed opportunities and to create regrets where they haven't been any before today.  Each time those thoughts have crept in, I have stopped myself and reminded myself that no, I will not re-write my history that way.  I don't believe in the idea savoring every, single moment. I don't believe in regrets.  I believe in growth.  I believe that life is made up of mundane and magical. I believe that we can savor something in each season.  I believe we can both savor well during a season and still be sad that is ending and it doesn't have to mean regret or that we did it wrong. 

Because we have older boys and this last year has brought more adventures with them -- exploring cities together, reading novels and then comparing them to the movie version, discussions about heavier life topics, laughter about our natural wirings and family stories -- I know there is lots of great stuff to come with Caleb and all of our boys.  I know this and yet, the end of this baby and preschooler season is bittersweet and words feel insufficient.  I am still so close to this season that I can close my eyes and remember the mind-numbing parts (endless laundry, 3 kids in diapers, cleaning the kitchen floor for the 100th time that day), the first-time parent worries and complete exhaustion. And in some ways, it already feels like so long ago that I had newborns falling asleep on my chest, toddlers marching in a band around my living room, preschoolers that pronounced words in the most adorably incorrect ways and little ones that needed to be carried upstairs for naptime.

Caleb announced to me last week that he is in Kindergarten now and would no longer need to be carried downstairs in the morning with his head nestled on my shoulder and his blanket squished around his arm.  I knew that day was coming (and was actually long overdue) but he was my last baby, so I wasn't going to tell him. 

So, if you see me this week and want to know how I'm feeling about Caleb starting Kindergarten and all my boys being in school, the answer is that I am feeling ALL the feelings:  Sadness that this season is over, Excitement for a new level of independence for both Caleb and me, Anticipation of what is to come, Happiness that all four boys are on the same schedule in the same school, Uncertain about what is next for me, Celebratory about the fact that we all survived this season mostly unscathed and with scores of great memories, Grateful for the ways I was able to be home with these boys over the past decade, Awkward about what to say because I feel so much, and Surprise at how quickly it went when there were days that felt never-ending.  

The last first day of school has me feeling all the feelings and I am okay with it.  Those tears rolling down my cheeks are both joyful and sad. 

What I learned while Caleb was in preschool

Last August, we were at the beach on our family's final hurrah of summer.  One night, I decided to stay up late and go through emails.  I realized that I had not heard when Caleb's preschool would be starting.  I emailed the director and quickly was informed that despite registering him and paying the fee, they had given away his spot.  I was beside myself.

All summer, I had mentally planned for him to be in a 3 year old program at our local high school that would meet for 3 mornings a week for about 90 minutes.  I had loved the program when Aaron attended there and it felt like the right fit for letting my baby who was just barely 3 go.  So, when my plans were altered, I fell apart.  The only other preschool I could find with openings nearby was three days a week.  I cried and cried, I had never put any of the other boys in preschool at age 3 and none of them had done preschool more than two days a week. 

I had a breakthrough when my mom and best friend both told me the same thing.  It wasn't something that I didn't already know, it was just something I refused to believe as truth and live in.  They both told me that "each kid is different and that maybe 3 days a week was what Caleb needed" and that it was "okay to do things differently for him than I did for the other 3."

I couldn't figure out why I was so upset, then it finally clicked, I saw this as a failure.  I wasn't living up to the expectations that I had for myself about how to be the right kind of mom.  The image I had of doing this "mom gig" correctly involved me adding more children & responsibilities to my daily schedule but not increasing my childcare help in any capacity.  Letting go of that ridiculous standard was harder than I thought it would be.  That first day of preschool, Caleb walked in, cheerfully shouted "Goodbye mom" and ran into his class.  There was no hesitation on his part, not a single day this school year.  He was totally ready.  I was not.

That first week or two of having all 4 boys in school at the same time was strange.  All of a sudden after 8 years of always having at least 2 children with me, I suddenly found myself with 2.5 hours three times a week ON MY OWN.  It would be cooler to say that I did all sorts of incredible things with that time, but the majority of that time was spent doing everyday, ordinary things.  Things like eating lunch, running errands, meetings for my part-time job, catching up on emails, doing laundry, etc.  It was spent doing almost nothing spectacular, but along the way, I think I realized that I had been holding my breath for years.  I could have conversations without interruptions.  I could think without ignoring someone pleading for me to answer the same question for the thousandth time. 

I went into it kicking & screaming and came out grateful.  This past week, my almost-four-year-old stood in a park where his teacher gave him a 3 year old diploma at his year end picnic.  She gave him a big hug and teared up at saying goodbye.  I don't think this amazing woman has any idea how difficult it was to initially turn Caleb over to her for those 11 hours each week.  She made it so much easier by just loving on him.  For loving his amazing traits and his wild, three year old boy traits.  I'm not sure who learned more this last year during those 11 hours each week, Caleb or me.

Happy Birthday to My Little Sister!

27 years ago, I became a big sister to the cutest baby girl ever (I can still say that since all my own children are boys).  That day was the highlight of my childhood. Seriously.  I was 8.5 when my sister was born.  But to understand the joy of her birth, you must go back a few years.

Remember those school assignments in kindergarten and first grade where you draw a picture of what you could be if you could be anything in the world? Or the project to draw what you wanted most in the world (if money was not an issue).  The answer to those school projects was always the same for me.  I wanted a baby sister.  I wanted a baby sister in the WORST WAY.  Here is my "Dream Cloud" project from 1st Grade I think.

The front

The back side which shows me, a baby sister crying and what I assume is a teddy bear?

I talked about it.  I drew about it.  And I prayed about it.

It got to the point one day that my parents had to have a talk with me.  I don't remember the exact words, but it was something like this "Leslie, I'm sorry but I don't think you will be getting a baby sister."

Then one day when I was in 2nd grade, we had a family meeting where we found out that we would in fact be adding another Walmer to the family.  I just knew in my heart of hearts that it would be a girl.  I mean, I already had two older brothers what would be the point of any more brothers?  My mom continually warned me that it could be a boy (this was all pre-ultrasound technology) but I dismissed those warnings because I just knew it was a baby sister.

Natalie might be lacking in clothes, but clearly I was lacking teeth which is much worse.

I can remember clearly being called out of my 3rd grade classroom on that wintery December 15th in 1987.  My grandparents picked us kids up and drove us to the hospital.  We were in the waiting room.  My dad came out and announced it was a girl.  I did a cartwheel. Yep, a cartwheel in the waiting room and maybe some screaming.  My heart was overjoyed -- a sister at last! 

My heart has been filled with joy at having a sister so many times over these past 27 years.  So many fun memories over the years--trips, holidays, movies, music, lots of professional pictures and lots of matching clothes (but we'll save those pictures for another post). We have a decent-sized age gap between us (over 8 year) but she is still my best friend for life. 

In the last few years, we've shared more of life's adventures as she has gotten married and has a son.  Now we swap kid stories.  We've also added lots of miles between us (I'm in Illinois and she is in Delaware) but it doesn't matter.  She is still my sister.  She is still my best friend for life.  She is the first person that comes to mind when I see a sign that says "You had me at bacon."  She is the first person I text when I see a old musical on TV and think of the many times we watched it as kids.  She is the first person that comes to mind so often--with tv shows, jokes, music, memories.  I don't get to see her in person as much as I would like to these days, but I am so proud of the woman she has become.  She's a great friend, loving wife and wonderful mom.  She's hardworking, fun and beautiful. 

Happy 27th Natalie!  

I love you!  

Also, your birthday present hasn't been mailed yet (some things never change!)

Love,

"The Big One"

Family Pictures 2014

For several years now, I have asked for one gift each birthday: family pictures.  Now I'm not talking about JC Penney Portrait studio pictures.  There is nothing inherently wrong with studio pictures (we still do them most years for Christmas) but I want "real life" pictures not posed in front of a fake fireplace.  Also, I don't want to wait in a long line with 4 boys and I'm pretty sure no one else in that line wants us to wait in the line either--we are after all FOUR boys.  Besides, I'm looking for something different than studio pictures.  I want to see us.

I want pictures where we run around.

I want snapshots of what this stage of life is really like for our family.  I want the messy because oh my goodness is this stage messy!!!

I want to remember the sweetness of these young boys who are quick to give affection.

I want to remember the missing teeth.

I want to remember the dimples in the sunlight.

I want to remember climbing trees.

I want to remember the three weeks where I didn't have my wedding band, just my engagement ring, because a certain 3 year old hid it in the crevices of our couch.

I want to remember the hugs

that quickly turn into wrestling.

I want to remember the hand-holding.

I want to remember the embraces.

I want to remember the toddler on my hip.

I want to remember the laughter.

I want to remember the bittersweet emotions of sending this handsome one to Kindergarten.

I want to remember the seriousness of a second-grader who no longer needs my help when reading but is still willing to snuggle up and let me read to him.

I want to remember the climbing fences (well the boys climbing fences, not me).

I want to remember the love.

Because it was here.  Sometimes it was hidden in between fights or tantrums or tears, but it was always here.  After a season full of work (so much work!) & stress that moving across town involves, we needed an afternoon of play.  An afternoon of picking wildflowers and wrestling.

An afternoon of running down hills and being caught by daddy.

An afternoon of sitting in the grass and telling each other why we are still here and what makes each other a good parent.  An afternoon of singing the Veggie Tales theme song but replacing words to make it "Caleb Tales" and the smile it elicited. 

Sometimes it is easy for me to get bogged down by the daily failures and struggles that life provides and forget the adventure that I am on.  Then I take an afternoon "off" from it all to take family pictures.  I get the family pictures, but I ended up with something more.

I am reminded of all the good again and I see it easily when I focus on the right things.  The wild love.  The loudness. The sweetness.  The growing.  The messiness.  The adventure.  The grace.  I am reminded of the blessing to live this life with this crew of 5 men.  The blessing to share a story with this man.  I am grateful.

Thanks to Sarah Carter Studio for capturing our spirited family in these photos that I will treasure for years to come.