Soaking up the moments

Since we had our twins first and then the rest of the boys pretty close in age, it has always been a special treat to have one-on-one time with any of the boys.  To have regular, weekly one-on-one time with Caleb has been a new thing for us this fall.  I'm not gonna lie, its delicious.  There are no quarrels to break up and no personal space being invaded (other than my own and generally I'm pretty good about not hitting people when they invade mine).

Three days a week, Caleb and I have the morning together, just the two of us.  I'm trying my best to soak this up and ignore the never-ending "to do" list that is calling my name.  There are still breakfast dishes to clean, two minute showers to be taken and laundry to be switched out.  But as much as possible, I'm snuggling up with him in our living room chair and reading through his favorite books.  Right now, he's on a Sandra Boynton streak.  So, we are reading Blue Hat, Green Hat and But Not The Hippopotamus like they're going out of style.  He giggles each time we say Oops.  He is wiggly and constantly elbowing me during our reading time, but its still precious to me.

Sometimes we pull out the alphabet legos and build the tallest towers we can.  And I do my best not to cringe when he knocks it down splattering legos EVERYWHERE on our hardwood floors.

Last week, we took a much anticipated trip to the library as a reward for having "gentle hands" the ENTIRE four hours of preschool (that's a whole different post).  For not being able to read, he did amazingly well at finding the only 2 veggietales books in the library, 4 veggietales cds and 2 veggietales movies.  Are you noticing a theme?  
On the way out and across the parking lot to the car, I was carrying him and each step I took, he would give me a light head bump or kiss on my neck.  It tickled, so I laughed.  The more I laughed, the louder his laughter got.  About halfway to the car, he got hiccups (this always happens when he laughs his deep belly laughs) but kept laughing.  The two of us giggled and giggled in the sunshine that afternoon.  I don't think I'll ever forget it. 

There is something just delicious about one-on-one moments with the people you love.  I'm really enjoying this new season of parenting where I'm able to do this more regularly.

Anticipating Kindergarten

For the last week, this sweet boy has been a bundle of nerves about the start of Kindergarten.  There is excitement--ordering his hot lunches, picking out a new shirt for the first day of school, dropping off school supplies.  But it doesn't take long for the fear to move in.  Fear that he won't have friends.  Fear that being shy means he won't succeed.  Fear that he might get teased.  Fear that he isn't enough.

I keep holding him and telling him the truth: You are enough.  You are loved.  Shy doesn't mean you can't succeed.  You have friends.  You are enough!

I look at this smile, this smile that so many love and I think "how can he think he won't make friends?"

I look at those sparkling blue eyes of laughter and mischief and I wonder how he doesn't know what I know? Why doesn't he know that he will do great?  Why doesn't he know that he has friends?  He will love school.  I just know it.  He will make even more friends than he already has.

I look at my boy who feels so deeply and sometimes wish that he didn't feel the fear so deeply.  I sometimes wish he didn't feel the sadness of upcoming changes but I don't get to choose how he is wired.  God did choose how Aaron was wired and he knew what he was doing.  He didn't make a mistake making this boy so sensitive and sweet.  This boy that feels fear also feels joy.  He loves without limits and he gives grace abundantly. 

I wonder how my six-year-old can let these voices in his head tell him that he's not good enough, not well-liked enough, not loveable.  Then I look at myself and I think about how many days have I told myself that I am not enough, that I am not loveable, that I am not a good enough mother, that I am not attractive enough and I know.  I know how he can do this because he listens to those other voices in his head and not God's truth.  I know because I'm thirty-give and I do this all the time--way more than I'd care to admit because I like to seem like I have it together.

Just like Aaron's creeps downstairs after bedtime telling me that he is having dreams about not having friends at school, I will tell a friend in my most honest moments that I don't feel like enough.  This friend will give me words: You are Enough, You are Loved, You have been Redeemed.  This friend will remind me, just like I remind Aaron. 

Change brings up so many emotions--excitement and fear.  One more day and then the anticipation process will be over and Kindergarten will have started and he will know in a tangible way what to expect.  Until then, I will keep holding him and whispering: You are loved, You are enough, You have been redeemed because it is true.

The night before Second Grade

I'm pretty sure that school just ended, so I'm not sure how its time for it to begin again.  I feel like I blinked and summer was gone.  I know we enjoyed lots of fun moments here and there but the main theme for this summer was chaos & work.  Since April, we've been working on moving and ALL the craziness that endeavor entails, especially when you do it while you also are keeping four boys alive.  I could go on and on about that, but that's for another time when I'm not so exhausted and behind on everything--although I'm not sure that time will ever come.

Tonight is about 2nd grade.  Did you hear me? SECOND GRADE?  How did my tiny firstborn baby boys grow up enough to be ready for this?  I look at them and sometimes still see this.

I also feel like we just dropped them off at their first day of preschool.

But no, here we are in 2nd grade.  They are thrilled to be going back to school--to be able to see their friends again and have recess.  And, to be honest, I'm looking forward to the routine that the school year brings. 

Today we bought new shirts for the first day of school, dropped off school supplies and met their new teachers.  All the logistical and practical arrangements have been made.  Even though our entire garage is full of things to be unpacked, we managed to keep track of the lunchboxes and backpacks so we're all set for packing up in the morning.

 We had a rough "last day" before school started.  We just got back from vacation and had a bunch of errands to run which meant lots of fighting, whining, tantrums, so by the time bedtime rolled around tonight, I was more than ready to dial it in and just send them to bed without any fanfare or let Jon tuck them in without me like I do whenever he isn't working late.

However, tonight we did the most important preparation of all.  We tucked their little brothers into bed and then James, Andrew, Jon & I sat in our bed.  At first, they wanted to know why I wanted to see them in my room and then Andrew shouted that he knew.  It is our back to school routine.  We always read them a letter the night before school starts.  Its the same hand-written letter each year.  The only thing we change is the grade that they are going into.  After the letter is read, we discuss what it means.  Usually stories from the last year come up--either about a time they felt lonely/made-fun of or when they saw another kid and what they did about it.

Our pastor at church is always saying that "the only thing that you can take into eternity is people."  I believe in this so strongly that I think this preparation of our boys is more important than the newly sharpened pencils and the 1st day of school outfit.  I would love it if my boys did well in school, but I care more about them doing well with people.  I want them to be boys who love deeply and show grace madly.  I want them to always know that people are what matter--not stuff, not grades, not awards. 

Of course, after the heart to heart about compassion, James also informed me that his toe had a mark on it and that it felt like a giant booger was coming out of his nose.  We take our serious conversations and pepper them with boy comments about boogers and silliness.  During this talk, Andrew was also icing his hand (after having shut it in our minivan an hour earlier) which lead me to realize that their fingernails needed to be cut again, so we did some final hygiene prep for tomorrow and trimmed 20 fingernails. 

We have no pictures because honestly, I barely had the energy to squeeze in this ritual but I'm glad I did. 

Here's to a great year in 2nd grade!

Goodbye #2701 Orchard

Its been about almost a week since we returned home from our annual summer trip to Grandma Mary & Pa Lynn's house in Pennsylvania.  This year's trip was a little different than normal as it was our last one to say in their house at 2701 Orchard Avenue.  They are in the process of relocating/retiring so they sold their home to make it easy for them to leave for Delaware whenever they are ready.

For now, they will still be in the same town so we didn't have to say our official goodbyes to the town...yet!  Saying goodbye to the house itself turned out to be much more emotional for the boys & I than I had anticipated.

This isn't the home that I grew up in, but it has been where my parents have lived since I was in college.  It is the only home that the boys know to think of when they think of Grandma & Papa.  Its where we have had our family pictures taken for the last five summers.  Its where my parents first met Jon.  Its where Jon & I returned to after being engaged (he proposed while we were home visiting my parents for Thanksgiving).  Its where my kids have gone to "Grandma & Grandpa Camp" every summer.  Its where they have destroyed my dad's flowers with a baseball bat.  Its where they have climbed trees, played catch and taken hundreds of baths.

This is the house where Andrew (at 18 months) danced around in a diaper and snow boots while we laughed hysterically.

This is the house where Aaron celebrated his first birthday.

This is where my babies (Caleb this time) have bathed in the kitchen sink.

This is the house where James has created countless treasures out of Grandma's trash.

This is the house where we showered my baby sister as we anticipated Harvey's pending arrival.

This is the house where we've celebrated Christmas, Easter and countless birthdays.

This is the house where I have left my babies in my parent's care while Jon & I have gone on much-needed vacations alone.

This is the house where we've spent time with cousins, run through the sprinkler, sat on the front porch and eaten countless meals.

There are so many memories here.  So many good memories.  The tears flowed for my boys at having to say goodbye to this house.  This house holds treasured times for them, love and so much joy.  This is a home away from home.

What I already know and what my boys are only discovering is that you don't leave those things behind when you move.  You take them with you. And in the midst of sadness, there is always room for a little silliness and joy.

I'm grateful for all the memories we created at #2701 and looking forward to building new ones at the next place.

Our belated 10th Anniversary Trip

A little over a month ago, we escaped this dreadful Chicago winter and spent a week in Cabo San Lucas.  Even more importantly, we spent the week there alone.  Just Jon and I.  Me and Jon.  Just the two of us.  Alone.  We didn't go with anyone else, so no one else is in any of our pictures.  It was just us. Dos Personas.  Did I mention that we didn't bring the kids along?!?  Like none of them. 

If you're wondering why this is such a big deal, its because we have never taken a full week's vacation since we had kids. 7 "sleeps" without kids.  7 days and 7 nights.  That's 168 hours of no responsibility.

Its been a few years since we've had more than 2 nights away (specifically May 2010--not that I've noticed).

While the trip itself was amazing and full of treats we don't experience on a regular basis in our "normal" life like leisurely two hour dinners at four star restaurants, parasailing, reading by the pool, walking hand in hand with each other, fresh avocado at EVERY SINGLE MEAL, sleeping in and uninterrupted conversations. 

I was struck even more by how many people in our lives made this trip possible.  When you get married, you have your friends and family stand as witness to your vows to each other and God.  In fact, a lot of the time, the officiant has the congregation agree to do everything in their power to uphold the two who are getting married.  When we got married, it was very important to me to have as many of our friends and family with us as possible. 

What I'm learning is how much more important than their presence on that day, is their presence in our everyday lives supporting our marriage in real ways. Support can look very different for each couple.

 For us, it looked like this in January:  Grandparents that drove 6 hours round trip to pick up two of our children and then keep them for 9 days; A brother & sister-in-law who kept your school-age children on the school days we were gone including packing lunches, doing their daily reading and washing their clothes so you don't return home to endless laundry; Another set of grandparents that kept our older two kids on the weekends and checked on your house to make sure that the polar vortex didn't burst our pipes; A friend who gave you the use of her timeshare in Mexico so that you can actually afford to go on the trip; Friends who encouraged me to take the time away with my husband and not worry about the kids; Friends who stepped in and covered my job responsibilities at church; Friends who watched my kids before we left so I could run errands and pack.

Without this community, a trip like this would have never been possible.  Trip or no trip, these are our people.  Our people not only say that they want us to grow stronger in our marriage, their actions support their words.  These are the people who are not only there for us in the hard, difficult times, but the ones that truly want the best for us and celebrate in the good times.

The people who celebrate our milestone of 10 years of marriage.  Some of our people were there on our wedding day and some weren't.

In the long run, it doesn't matter where they were on May 23rd, 2003 because they are here now bearing witness, encouraging us on and supporting us as we seek to honor those vows. 

I feel incredibly blessed to have gotten a week away with my husband.  We both love adventures, so visiting a new place together, trying new foods, and meeting people was right up our alley.  It was relaxing for both of us and refilled our tanks.

It gave us hours to spend with each other instead of minutes.  It gave us new shared memories.  It gave us time to just be and not be "doing" all of our normal responsibilities of keeping a family of 6 going.

I also feel incredibly blessed to have the kind of family and friends that we have---ones that make something like this possible.

We had to wait a few months to celebrate our 10th anniversary (it was in May and our trip was in January) but it was totally worth it!  Here's to another decade in the making!

What I love about having first-graders in our house

I'm gonna just say it--I love having first-graders in the house.  My first-graders are old enough to shower and get dressed on their own, but still want my opinion on what they wear each day.  They can read books to me, but still like sitting on the couch snuggled up next to me while I read to them.  First-graders have great questions but even more importantly, they ask different ones (not just saying why over and over again).  My first-grade boys love to laugh and its easy to elicit laughter from them.  They love it when I'm silly, ridiculous or goofy---there is no eye-rolling or embarrassment yet.  My first-graders get up and take care of themselves in the morning--getting their own cereal but at bedtime, they still want to be tucked in and given a goodnight kiss.

I was at school early this morning with one of my first-graders for a meeting with him and his teacher.  As we were walking down the hall to the library and to his classroom, he grabbed my hand and put his in mine.  I was struck by the fact that this kid who seems so grown-up (especially compared to his little brothers) is still so young.  He is self-sufficient and independent in so many ways but is still willing to put his hand in mine as we walk through the school halls. 

I have loved other ages in the past and will love other stages in the future, but right now, I'm loving this first-grade phase of life.

A Simpler Christmas

This fall as the "holiday" season was approaching, I started to wonder if it would be possible to keep Christmas simple (it felt like it had spiraled out of control the last few years).  I mean, we are a family of 6 which is not "simple" in and of itself.  In addition to our own family traditions, this year we would be traveling to Pennsylvania to spend a week with most of my side of the family (I'm one of 4 siblings which means there are spouses and 10 cousins including our four).  Then we usually celebrate with Jon's family after we return which is another celebration with his married siblings and 8 cousins.  And this year, we threw in an amazing & meaningful Christmas celebration with our church community that we happened to be heading up. 

I read through several people's blogs on Christmas--on sticking to the true meaning, on creating meaningful traditions and keeping it simple.  I read Jen Hatmaker's blog, Sarah Carter's blog and Shauna Niequist's blog to get the ideas flowing.  We didn't chuck everything, but we did pare things down both in our advent season (more on that later) and on Christmas day.

We decided that we'd take our stockings with us to Pennsylvania.  We usually fill these full of sugary treats--this year there were just 2 small treats in there for each child, a few lego guys, a new spin toothbrush (our kids actually get excited about this, except for Caleb who we learned is terrified of motorized toothbrushes), a chickfila calendar with a treat for each month, and a new book.  Each child got one small present that they had asked Santa for while were in Pennsylvania.  So, we didn't do away with Santa altogether---although we didn't promote him much either.

When we returned home, we had our "family Christmas".  We gave each boy one item that they wanted (a toy), an experience (Medieval Times, tickets to the movies, tickets to see Peter Pan and a trip to the Chicago Children's Museum) and $25 to give to a charity/cause of their choice.  That was it.  Nothing else from us.  No small toys.  No extra things we found that were a good deal.  No matching pjs (like we normally do).  No new clothes.  This was hard for me.  I love shopping for the boys and they still enjoy getting matching pjs, new clothes, books, etc.  I could have bought them all sorts of things that I could have argued were useful or good for them.  I also worried that they wouldn't think it was special enough.  I worried that they would notice we had scaled down and that they wouldn't think it was special.  I was wrong.  In fact, they seemed to be more thankful and excited about their one toy because it wasn't lost in a sea of new items. 

We went back and forth about the experience gift and whether it should include our whole family or just be for each specific child.  We decided that if we could find things that were reasonably priced, we would make it a family affair so that we were creating memories together as a family but also because it would get pricey and cumbersome finding babysitting for several different events.  So, we watched for groupons and livingsocial deals so that each of the "experiences" we gifted were less than half the normal retail price---yay! 

The $25 for them to each give went better than I anticipated also.  No one complained about having to give it away.  Instead, the older boys thought about what they wanted to do and asked for help doing research on the computer.  James decided he wanted to help orphans.  So we did research on different organizations.  We landed on Show Hope's website and then watched several videos about the different ways you could designate your money to be used.  He was really concerned about kids with medical needs and ended up giving $20 of his dollars to help fund a cleft palate surgery (yep---we had to explain what that was first since he had no idea).  He used his remaining $5 to send to baby Isaac who recently had a kidney transplant (His mom and I went to college).  We prayed for Isaac each night of December and he wanted to make sure that if Isaac needed medicine that he had some help with the cost.

Andrew wanted to figure out a way to get his money to help feed people in another country.  We looked at buying a rabbit or chickens through World Vision, but then he really liked the sound of Feed My Starving Children.  We watched several videos on the website (great learning tools) and I told him about the times I had served there packing meals before.  He loved the idea that his money could buy lots of meals for several people since each meal only costs 22 cents.  He gave his full $25 there and we signed up for him to go pack meals at the Schaumburg location later this month.

Aaron spent less time researching where to give (he's only 5 after all).  I gave him a few suggestions based on his interests and he decided to help support K-love (a christian radio station) since we listen to it regularly in the car.

For some, this might not even sound simplified and for others, this might be too drastic.  This is just what our family tried this year and I have to admit, it was nice having much less to wrap, hardly anything to put away and much less drama about "stuff".  Overall, it was much less stressful, required less errands and allowed us to spend more time as a family and in social settings with friends and family.  I'm sure we will have lots of adjustments in the coming years on this as we attempt to create traditions and also be intentional about keeping things simple.

The one-on-one time doing research with each of the boys was fun and interesting--to see their questions and see them starting to understand the privileges that they are blessed with--although we still have lots of work in this area.  I'm also thankful for the memories that our "experience" gifts are going to bring in the coming weeks.  Speaking of that, its time to wrap this up because we're heading out to Medieval Times (Aaron's experience gift) in a few minutes.