Our belated 10th Anniversary Trip

A little over a month ago, we escaped this dreadful Chicago winter and spent a week in Cabo San Lucas.  Even more importantly, we spent the week there alone.  Just Jon and I.  Me and Jon.  Just the two of us.  Alone.  We didn't go with anyone else, so no one else is in any of our pictures.  It was just us. Dos Personas.  Did I mention that we didn't bring the kids along?!?  Like none of them. 

If you're wondering why this is such a big deal, its because we have never taken a full week's vacation since we had kids. 7 "sleeps" without kids.  7 days and 7 nights.  That's 168 hours of no responsibility.

Its been a few years since we've had more than 2 nights away (specifically May 2010--not that I've noticed).

While the trip itself was amazing and full of treats we don't experience on a regular basis in our "normal" life like leisurely two hour dinners at four star restaurants, parasailing, reading by the pool, walking hand in hand with each other, fresh avocado at EVERY SINGLE MEAL, sleeping in and uninterrupted conversations. 

I was struck even more by how many people in our lives made this trip possible.  When you get married, you have your friends and family stand as witness to your vows to each other and God.  In fact, a lot of the time, the officiant has the congregation agree to do everything in their power to uphold the two who are getting married.  When we got married, it was very important to me to have as many of our friends and family with us as possible. 

What I'm learning is how much more important than their presence on that day, is their presence in our everyday lives supporting our marriage in real ways. Support can look very different for each couple.

 For us, it looked like this in January:  Grandparents that drove 6 hours round trip to pick up two of our children and then keep them for 9 days; A brother & sister-in-law who kept your school-age children on the school days we were gone including packing lunches, doing their daily reading and washing their clothes so you don't return home to endless laundry; Another set of grandparents that kept our older two kids on the weekends and checked on your house to make sure that the polar vortex didn't burst our pipes; A friend who gave you the use of her timeshare in Mexico so that you can actually afford to go on the trip; Friends who encouraged me to take the time away with my husband and not worry about the kids; Friends who stepped in and covered my job responsibilities at church; Friends who watched my kids before we left so I could run errands and pack.

Without this community, a trip like this would have never been possible.  Trip or no trip, these are our people.  Our people not only say that they want us to grow stronger in our marriage, their actions support their words.  These are the people who are not only there for us in the hard, difficult times, but the ones that truly want the best for us and celebrate in the good times.

The people who celebrate our milestone of 10 years of marriage.  Some of our people were there on our wedding day and some weren't.

In the long run, it doesn't matter where they were on May 23rd, 2003 because they are here now bearing witness, encouraging us on and supporting us as we seek to honor those vows. 

I feel incredibly blessed to have gotten a week away with my husband.  We both love adventures, so visiting a new place together, trying new foods, and meeting people was right up our alley.  It was relaxing for both of us and refilled our tanks.

It gave us hours to spend with each other instead of minutes.  It gave us new shared memories.  It gave us time to just be and not be "doing" all of our normal responsibilities of keeping a family of 6 going.

I also feel incredibly blessed to have the kind of family and friends that we have---ones that make something like this possible.

We had to wait a few months to celebrate our 10th anniversary (it was in May and our trip was in January) but it was totally worth it!  Here's to another decade in the making!

What I love about having first-graders in our house

I'm gonna just say it--I love having first-graders in the house.  My first-graders are old enough to shower and get dressed on their own, but still want my opinion on what they wear each day.  They can read books to me, but still like sitting on the couch snuggled up next to me while I read to them.  First-graders have great questions but even more importantly, they ask different ones (not just saying why over and over again).  My first-grade boys love to laugh and its easy to elicit laughter from them.  They love it when I'm silly, ridiculous or goofy---there is no eye-rolling or embarrassment yet.  My first-graders get up and take care of themselves in the morning--getting their own cereal but at bedtime, they still want to be tucked in and given a goodnight kiss.

I was at school early this morning with one of my first-graders for a meeting with him and his teacher.  As we were walking down the hall to the library and to his classroom, he grabbed my hand and put his in mine.  I was struck by the fact that this kid who seems so grown-up (especially compared to his little brothers) is still so young.  He is self-sufficient and independent in so many ways but is still willing to put his hand in mine as we walk through the school halls. 

I have loved other ages in the past and will love other stages in the future, but right now, I'm loving this first-grade phase of life.

A Simpler Christmas

This fall as the "holiday" season was approaching, I started to wonder if it would be possible to keep Christmas simple (it felt like it had spiraled out of control the last few years).  I mean, we are a family of 6 which is not "simple" in and of itself.  In addition to our own family traditions, this year we would be traveling to Pennsylvania to spend a week with most of my side of the family (I'm one of 4 siblings which means there are spouses and 10 cousins including our four).  Then we usually celebrate with Jon's family after we return which is another celebration with his married siblings and 8 cousins.  And this year, we threw in an amazing & meaningful Christmas celebration with our church community that we happened to be heading up. 

I read through several people's blogs on Christmas--on sticking to the true meaning, on creating meaningful traditions and keeping it simple.  I read Jen Hatmaker's blog, Sarah Carter's blog and Shauna Niequist's blog to get the ideas flowing.  We didn't chuck everything, but we did pare things down both in our advent season (more on that later) and on Christmas day.

We decided that we'd take our stockings with us to Pennsylvania.  We usually fill these full of sugary treats--this year there were just 2 small treats in there for each child, a few lego guys, a new spin toothbrush (our kids actually get excited about this, except for Caleb who we learned is terrified of motorized toothbrushes), a chickfila calendar with a treat for each month, and a new book.  Each child got one small present that they had asked Santa for while were in Pennsylvania.  So, we didn't do away with Santa altogether---although we didn't promote him much either.

When we returned home, we had our "family Christmas".  We gave each boy one item that they wanted (a toy), an experience (Medieval Times, tickets to the movies, tickets to see Peter Pan and a trip to the Chicago Children's Museum) and $25 to give to a charity/cause of their choice.  That was it.  Nothing else from us.  No small toys.  No extra things we found that were a good deal.  No matching pjs (like we normally do).  No new clothes.  This was hard for me.  I love shopping for the boys and they still enjoy getting matching pjs, new clothes, books, etc.  I could have bought them all sorts of things that I could have argued were useful or good for them.  I also worried that they wouldn't think it was special enough.  I worried that they would notice we had scaled down and that they wouldn't think it was special.  I was wrong.  In fact, they seemed to be more thankful and excited about their one toy because it wasn't lost in a sea of new items. 

We went back and forth about the experience gift and whether it should include our whole family or just be for each specific child.  We decided that if we could find things that were reasonably priced, we would make it a family affair so that we were creating memories together as a family but also because it would get pricey and cumbersome finding babysitting for several different events.  So, we watched for groupons and livingsocial deals so that each of the "experiences" we gifted were less than half the normal retail price---yay! 

The $25 for them to each give went better than I anticipated also.  No one complained about having to give it away.  Instead, the older boys thought about what they wanted to do and asked for help doing research on the computer.  James decided he wanted to help orphans.  So we did research on different organizations.  We landed on Show Hope's website and then watched several videos about the different ways you could designate your money to be used.  He was really concerned about kids with medical needs and ended up giving $20 of his dollars to help fund a cleft palate surgery (yep---we had to explain what that was first since he had no idea).  He used his remaining $5 to send to baby Isaac who recently had a kidney transplant (His mom and I went to college).  We prayed for Isaac each night of December and he wanted to make sure that if Isaac needed medicine that he had some help with the cost.

Andrew wanted to figure out a way to get his money to help feed people in another country.  We looked at buying a rabbit or chickens through World Vision, but then he really liked the sound of Feed My Starving Children.  We watched several videos on the website (great learning tools) and I told him about the times I had served there packing meals before.  He loved the idea that his money could buy lots of meals for several people since each meal only costs 22 cents.  He gave his full $25 there and we signed up for him to go pack meals at the Schaumburg location later this month.

Aaron spent less time researching where to give (he's only 5 after all).  I gave him a few suggestions based on his interests and he decided to help support K-love (a christian radio station) since we listen to it regularly in the car.

For some, this might not even sound simplified and for others, this might be too drastic.  This is just what our family tried this year and I have to admit, it was nice having much less to wrap, hardly anything to put away and much less drama about "stuff".  Overall, it was much less stressful, required less errands and allowed us to spend more time as a family and in social settings with friends and family.  I'm sure we will have lots of adjustments in the coming years on this as we attempt to create traditions and also be intentional about keeping things simple.

The one-on-one time doing research with each of the boys was fun and interesting--to see their questions and see them starting to understand the privileges that they are blessed with--although we still have lots of work in this area.  I'm also thankful for the memories that our "experience" gifts are going to bring in the coming weeks.  Speaking of that, its time to wrap this up because we're heading out to Medieval Times (Aaron's experience gift) in a few minutes.

Heard Around Here

These days go by quickly.  They are full of reading books, driving to and from school, loads of laundry, church and a million other things.  Sometimes I feel like there is hardly ever silence or that I can't hear myself think. I also know that sometime, all too soon, I will miss the ridiculous jokes, the fits of giggles from the back of the minvan and the pudgy toddler legs dancing around while singing songs.  I'm sure I miss lots of it with the busyness of life.  So I am trying to stop more often in the middle of this busy life and enjoy the funny, clever or repeated things that my boys are saying.  During this first week of December, this is what is being heard around here.

Aaron:  "My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father. Prepare to die!"

Caleb:  "Cayeb, Cayeb Jump up and down.  Jump up and down" (also includes skipping and dancing).

Andrew: "I'll have the cheeseburger and french fries."
Waiter: "Its actually mini cheeseburgers, Is that okay?"
Andrew:  "As long as there is more than one."  (The boy LOVES his cheeseburgers).

James:  "Great Thing!"  (His current expression, similar to "Great Scott" from Back to the Future.Used multiple times a day).

Andrew:  "What do they sell in that store called God's Will?"
James: "That sign says GoodWill!"

While I'm documenting current obsessions, I'll add these to this list.

Caleb's favorite food is pepperoni.  He can be found digging in the fridge as early as 9 am to help himself to this spicy treat.  Its horrifying how much he likes pepperoni.

Aaron is obsessed with all songs written by "Mr. Matt Redman" (he never shortens it, he always calls him Mr. Matt Redman).  He sings the songs loudly and sincerely.  He also enjoys Chris Tomlin songs, but doesn't refer to him as Mr. Chris Tomlin, just Chris Tomlin.

Grandma's Gone Back Home

Grandma Mary has been at our house for the last 8 days.  She attended Grandparent's Day at the twins' school.  She took Aaron bowling and for a lunchdate by himself.  She gave Caleb baths and laid with him in his bed to help him fall asleep at bedtime and bathtime.  She taught Caleb how to wrap Elmo and his stuffed Larry up in blankets and tuck them to "bed" as a game.  Andrew read to her every night.  The boys entertained her with our nightly "dancey-dance" game that we made up.  She showed the boys videos of their cousin Harvey (who lives in Delaware).  They told her ridiculous jokes that didn't make sense.  They laughed with her and provided her with many laughs.  They gave her bedtime hugs and kisses.  The twins came running to the car at school pick-up when she was in the car.  Caleb chose to have her carry him instead of me.  She taught and practiced Awana verses with the boys.

She and I made Starbucks runs in the afternoon and talked for hours.  We went shopping together--walking around the mall, visiting the play area with the boys and just talking some more..  She helped me get laundry and dishes done (is there any more practical way to show love to me at this stage of my life?).  She also gave Jon & I permission to sneak out for three movie nights and a late night dinner while she was here.

Clearly, it was a glorious week for our family.

It ended this morning when we took Grandma to the airport and she flew home.  I woke Aaron up so he could ride with us and he immediately dissolved into tears about her departure (this is no surprise).  I thought he'd quiet down when he realized we'd be seeing her in a month for Christmas, but it made the pain no less painful for him.  A month is FOREVER in a five-year-old's life.

On the way home from the airport, Aaron sang his favorite song through tears and sobs.  I still hear it echoing in my head.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

Eventually, he stopped crying and now all he has is happy memories of a great week with Grandma.  Its hard when you live far apart.  You can't just stop in for a cup of coffee or a dinner.  Making it to the kids events like soccer games and Grandparent's Day doesn't usually happen.  It takes coordinating schedules, making travel arrangements, spending---basically all sorts of intentionality on all of our parts as well as time, money and energy. 

In this month of focusing on Thanksgiving, I am so grateful for these times when we are able to have a week of "normal" with Grandma.  I'm thankful for this week where we intentionally focuses our schedule on soaking up with with Grandma Mary.

The conversations over cups of coffee, the bedtime rituals, the laughter over the boys antics, reading books together--these shared moments when you spend most of your time miles apart are precious.  These are the memories that fill my heart and put smiles on my boys' faces.  These moments turn into the family stories that we tell each other in the coming weeks and year.  These are the moments that are etched into my mind as snapshots and end up in the boys' scrapbooks.  It may be cheesy, but its true.  There is no gift that I could be given that is better than the gift of time with those I love.  I plan on soaking it up as much as possible, especially as we head into what has become the most consumerism-driven and materialistic time of the year.

Thanks for visiting Grandma!  See you in a month!

Three years ago

This afternoon I was re-tucking my Caleb back into bed (he'd been up a few times) in an effort to get him to nap.  As I was laying next to him stroking his hair in an effort to calm him to sleep, I was overcome with tears.  Sometimes this sweet boy can drive me batty with his never-ending getting into things, but I cannot imagine my life without him.  That dimpled smile was one of the first things I noticed about him when he was born and that same smile melts my heart these days in about two seconds. 

Three years ago, I had just learned that I was pregnant with Caleb.  It was exciting and terrifying at the same time.  Caleb was my first pregnancy after I had experienced the loss of a miscarriage.  Because of our previous loss, that positive pregnancy test brought up a bunch of conflicting emotions.  So much that I kept the news to myself for a full THREE days before I told my husband.  Keeping any news, especially BIG news like that, to myself for three minutes, let alone three days is amazing.  I'm pretty sure that the other 3 times I discovered I was pregnant, I waited all of 3 seconds before I shouted the news to my hubs. 

During those three days, we went to a reunion party.  We had three young children at the time (4 years, 4 years and 2 years), so several people were asking if we were done or if we might have more.  Little did they (or Jon) know!

It seems kinda silly now that I kept it to myself but at the time, my heart was tentative.  I didn't know what the outcome would be and knew I wasn't in control.  I had hoped it would be good.  I had no idea how blessed our family would be to have this 4th little boy added to it. 

When I see this boy, all I can think about is how good God is!  The verse that comes to mind is
1 Samuel 1:27 "I asked the LORD to give me this boy, and he has granted my request." (New Living Translation)

The Apple Orchard (Part 1)

This year, my big boys are in school full-time which means that they aren't around for all-day fun outings on weekdays.  Usually we go to the apple orchard each fall to pick apples and pumpkins.  This year was no exception.  In fact, we actually made two trips.

The first trip was to Royal Oaks Orchard in Hebron.  I just had my two "littles" with me.  It is still a little strange to me to be on an outing like that and just have 2 of my 4 boys along.  I miss James & Andrew but its also fun and special to be building some memories with Aaron and Caleb.  They are three years apart in age but as Caleb is getting older, I see their friendship growing.

Caleb wanted to hold Aaron's hand, not mine, and every few seconds, he'd stop and say "Hi"

This was Caleb's first time apple-picking.  I never get him to eat sliced apple at home, so I was sure he would have no interest in eating them whole.  As usual, he proved me wrong.  Not only did he love biting the whole apples, he went through about 20 of them.

We also found some pumpkins.

And I did my best to try to get a few pictures of me with the boys despite the fact that there weren't many other people there.

Aaron loves taking pictures and took this one.

Selfie grimaces

We also played in the playground area.  The pirate ship was our favorite because we are all about pirates.

But the train was pretty cool too.

We ended the day with a trip to the petting zoo because I figured, we hadn't gotten dirty enough yet, why  not add some filthy animal germs to the mix.  Both boys LOVED this.  Caleb called each animal a "puppy" despite my explanations that they were goats and sheep.