26.2 miles--Am I a "real" runner yet?

People who met me since I've had kids think I've been a runner my whole life.  Those that knew me before kids know the real story.  I use to joke that the only time I would run is if something was chasing me. My friend Mary likes to remind me of this regularly.  I think she is still shocked that the girl who would NEVER, EVER run a mile just did a marathon (which just shows you that really, anyone can do a marathon).   I use to work out in college and during my working years, but I don't think I EVER ran an entire mile during that time.  I would hit the bikes, elliptical and weights.  Anything but running.  I thought people who ran for fun were delusional.

Then I had kids.  Since kids, I've been running.  As we've added more kids to the family, I've started running more and more (this is not a coincidence my friends).  Apparently, it took having a 4th child to inspire me to lace up my shoes and complete a marathon.  Prior to Caleb's birth, I told anyone who asked that I would "never do a marathon."  Famous last words.  Seriously.  Never say never (yes I'm talking to you Jaime Patrick and also to you Wendy Payne).

Over the past 6 years, running has been a lot of things to me.  First, it started off as an easy way to shed those remaining baby pounds that the twins so graciously bestowed up on me.

July 2007--My brother Dan & I after my first 5k (he did the 10k).

Our good friend Mark (whose wife Laura also ran) watched the twins while we ran my first 5k.  Here is a picture of them cheering us on (I don't think the twins really cared too much).

However, as soon as I had lost the weight and worked myself up to running my first 5k and 10k race, I found out I was expecting Aaron and my running took a hit.  I saw the positive pregnancy test as a sign to stop exercising and start eating. 

After Aaron, I figured it would help me lose the baby weight again.  When he was about 3 months old, I did a few 5k races with my husband.  They were terribly awful.  Running when you're exclusively nursing, out of shape, and overweight is excruciating.  I remember during one of the races Jon was especially chatty about the gorgeous homes we were running past in Wheaton (we were doing the Homecoming 5k).  His cheerfulness and general ease with running completely irritated me.  However, I was so out of breath that I couldn't say coherent words, instead I grunted displeasure at him signaling him to be quiet.  I did finish that race, but I thought about quitting every single step of the race.  I am not joking.

A few months later, we had a really difficult season in our family.  We had 3 kids in diapers, Jon was on crutches after tearing his Achilles tendon, and I was recovering physically and emotionally from a miscarriage.  Running became therapeutic for me.  I signed up for my first half marathon.  I started training the first day I was allowed to run after having had my D & C.  It was February and it was bitter cold.  I forgot to wear gloves and barely was able to eek out 2 miles.  Over the next six months, I pushed my body to run further and faster.  I apparently wasn't able to keep myself from becoming pregnant and I couldn't control having a miscarriage.  I could make my body run though.

A 15k race I did in Altoona, PA with my brother Dan when we were home visiting my parents.  You can see I'm struggling here (hunching over, out of breath) while he is smiling and easily running it.

After the race, Dan & I did the 15k, Natalie did a 2k and Jon did a 5k.

A lot of my runs that summer were very emotional.  For the most part, I was on my own for those training runs as Jon was still recovering and I didn't have any girlfriends nearby who were into running yet.  The first 10 mile race I did that July was the most emotional run for me.

This is me finishing that race.  Jon (as always) was there to cheer me on and encourage me.

After the race, pretty sure I couldn't get up.

I wanted to cry almost the whole last two miles and I couldn't shake the thought that I shouldn't even be there, I should have been 7 months pregnant.  I did finish that race and my first half that fall. 

Here I am crossing the finish line of that first half.  Not the most flattering picture, but it is what it is. 

The following year, Jon joined me in training for his first half marathon (my second).  Suddenly, running had been redeemed from an individual therapeutic coping mechanism for me into something we could do as a couple.  We ended up doing 4 half marathons that summer. 

May 2010: Rockford Half Marathon with my beautiful friend Mary.

Rockford half marathon May 2010: Jon's first one

We also had more friends doing races and running.  Suddenly, running was getting very social.  We had friends to do short runs with and to carpool with to races.

September 2010, After the Chicago half with our good friend Cheryl (it was her first half marathon).

When I found out I was pregnant with Caleb in the fall, I kept running until I was about 8 months pregnant with him. (On a side note, I did read an article saying that moms who exercised during the pregnancy had more active children, so maybe the running is to blame for Caleb's intense gross motor skills and nonstop motion right now).  After he was born, I was able to jump back into running so much easier.  When he was four months old, I did another half marathon (13.1 miles). 

I wouldn't have admitted it aloud, but by this time, I was starting to think about a full marathon.  In fact, I convinced Jon that we should try running 15 miles just to see what it was like.  I was starting to think when I got to the end of those 13 mile half marathons that I could probably run another mile or two.  Those thoughts wouldn't go away.  When I saw I could do 15 miles, that was it.  I knew I was going to sign up for a marathon. 

By now, running had morphed yet again.  Now running was a way for me to achieve personal goals.  I was no longer doing part-time work outside of the home.  While I love being a stay at home mom, I need to have an outlet that doesn't involve the kids directly.  Hobbies that allow me to be someone other than "mom."  Running became a way for me to set a goal, push myself and achieve it.  It was a way for me to de-stress after long, difficult days with the boys.  It was a way for me to keep from pushing the boys and becoming "scary mom."

When you're raising kids, the job can be overwhelming (whether you're a stay at home mom or a working mom).  Its hard to measure progress when kids aren't "finished" for so many years.  Its hard not to take things too personally.  Obviously, you should be personally invested in your children.  I'm talking about overly-invested.  The kind of parent who takes every single one of their child's failures and successes as their very own.  The kind of parent who cannot separate themselves from their children.  I don't want to be a one-dimensional person, only known as a "mom."  I don't think its healthy for me, my marriage or my children. 

Recently, I reconnected with a college friend who has a blog about her home decorating and refinishing projects (http://measureonceandcuttwice.blogspot.com/).  I was amazed by her ability to wield power tools and do amazing projects around her home while having 3 young children.  Her response to me was something along the lines that the projects allow her to be more laid-back with the kids and not turn into a mom who is micromanaging the kids and getting worked up about all the little details.  When she said that, it resonated with me.  Her redecorating projects and art classes are the same thing to her as my running is to me. 

I figure that running will continue to be all sorts of things to me in the coming years.  Right now, I'm training for another marathon with my husband.  So, the next two months, our dates will consist of training runs, gu packets, and chatting over many miles.   I'm also training with my friend Jaime for her first half marathon this fall.  Our weekly runs are a great way for us to catch up without the interruption  and chaos of our 7 lovely children, who are usually around when we hang out. 

Running and talking about it are also a great way for me to stay in touch with my brothers (both of whom came and ran the Chicago marathon last week too).  My brother Dan is basically my running coach.  He texts or calls me regularly to see how I'm doing with my training and he is who I go to for my advice about how to step up my training or what to do when I'm at a loss.  With 20 marathons under his belt and a few 50 mile ultramarathons, he is my personal expert.  Its fun to finally share in one of his hobbies, even if its from a distance (he lives in Texas and I live in Chicago). 

My brothers (Dan & Travis), me and Jon after the Chicago marathon on October 7, 2012.

I'm not sure what the future holds for me as far as running goes, but you can be sure that I have lots of short term and long-term goals and that as long as I'm able, I plan to run in some capacity. 

A running shot of all 6 of us--August 2012.