A house full of big boy beds

Once upon a time, I began having babies. We set up a nursery with cribs, a changing table and cute safari animal themed decor.  Those babies shared that room for several years and then they were grown up enough for big boy beds.  So, we gave them bunk beds. 

James and Andrew's first night in bunk beds-Fall 2010.

They were excited about it and so was I.  I wasn't the least bit sad about giving them bunk beds because they had a little brother who was still sleeping in a crib and the dream of another baby yet-to-be still in my heart.  There were lots of baby years left to enjoy. 

Soon after the twins moved into bunk beds, Aaron graduated into his own "big boy bed".  Again, I wasn't sad about it.  In fact, I loved it.  He stayed in his bed and never got out of it to goof around (did you hear that Caleb?!?)  Since the bed we already owned was a queen-sized bed, it was easy for me to lay in bed with him when I tucked him goodnight.

Aaron at naptime--January 2011

Aaron was barely two when he (along with his stuffed animals) moved into the queen bed.  For the last three years, I have snuggled Aaron in that big boy bed countless times.  Each night before bed, he asks me if I can lay with him.  Some nights I say no because I won't be home and some nights I say no because I'm exhausted and Jon tucks him in instead. 

Aaron with his blanky--Fall 2010.

But many, many nights I've laid with him in that bed.  After we pray, he always asks me to snuggle (wrap my arms around him) and we listen to a few veggie tales songs together.  Sometimes he asks me questions.  Some nights I tell him the story of how he was the size of a poppy seed when we found out he was in my tummy and that's why we called him "Poppy" before he was born. 

When I was pregnant with Caleb, I spent many, many hours laying next to Aaron in that bed--once at naptime (sometimes I fell asleep too) and once at bedtime.  When Caleb arrived, Aaron stopped napping, but we still had those bedtime snuggles.  

Since Caleb was born, Aaron has been asking to get bunk beds to share with Caleb.  I've been keeping my eyes open for some.  After talking about it for months, this past weekend we bought a set off of craigslist.  Aaron went with Jon to buy the bunk beds and was thrilled.  I figured since Caleb had already graduated to a twin bed, we might as well try putting them in the same room.

Caleb last week (8/2013) after moving out of his crib into a bed.

Aaron was so excited that I was excited too.  We got the beds set up and last night we put them both in for bed.  There was some giggling, a broken night light (thanks Caleb), and two trips into the closet (again Caleb) but eventually they both fell asleep.

Two hours later while I was getting ready for bed, I started sobbing.  Not pretty cries, loud sobs.  It was the first moment that it dawned on me that my time laying in that queen bed snuggling Aaron had come to an end.  I hadn't even tucked him in the night before because we were coming home late from a busy day and Jon just got all the boys into bed quickly. 

Aaron--2012

Now, I was crying because I had missed my last night to snuggle.  In the busyness, I had forgotten to savor my last.  It has only been a few days, but I already miss him curling up next to me and his sweet voice asking me to "lay with me for two songs".  We didn't get to play one last game of Jon and I fighting over whose "snuggly boy" Aaron really was (for the record, he's mine!) while we both laid in bed to tuck him in for the night.  In this moment, I was regretting all the nights that I had been too busy to lay for an extra song or the nights that I had let Jon tuck him in instead of me.  I wanted to go take those bunk beds down and get rid of them immediately.  I'm not ready for this next stage.  I want things to stay as they are.  However, life doesn't work that way. 

Aaron & Caleb's first night in bunk beds-August 2013.

The problem with taking the bunk beds down is that Aaron is ready for this next stage.  He is delighted by it and so is Caleb.  Of course, their delight is also accompanied by some mischief, so I'm sure we will be experiencing lots of silliness in the days to come with them sharing a room.  I know in my head that there are plenty of ways for me to continue to connect with Aaron on a regular basis, but it is still sad that this one is over.  It hurts a little.  This is how it is suppose to be though.  Aaron is suppose to grow up.  I know that so I think I was unprepared for how emotional this would be for me.  He's been watching his older brothers share bunk beds for years and is finally getting to experience this on his own.  Aaron is my sensitive boy, so I'm glad I didn't cry about this in front of him.  I'm proud of him for being excited and for going to sleep so quickly tonight even with Caleb trying to make him laugh.

There are no more cribs at our house.  This baby is waiting to go out to the curb on trash day this week.

Last night, Jon told me that I could climb up in the bunk bed and still lay with Aaron (probably in an attempt to calm me down).  This morning I said that to Aaron and he said that I couldn't come on the top bunk but that maybe when Caleb was grown up enough to go on the top bunk that he could lay on the bottom one with me.  Ha!  He clearly has no problem with this adjustment to sharing a room and sleeping on the top bunk.

While it still stings a little that this era is over, I am also excited about the bond that Aaron and Caleb will form over this next year.  They will share a room and lots of memories over this next year while they are still at home and their big brothers are in school full-time. 

My littles-August 2013

I can't imagine it now, but someday I will take these bunk beds down because my boys have outgrown them.  And I will be sad.  I will be sad that those bedtime giggles and antics are over.  I will be sad that the room that was bursting with little boy treasures, dirty laundry, and stuffed animals is empty.  I imagine when that day comes, I will hold the excitement of seeing them become independent, the anticipation of what the next stage will hold and the sadness that this stage is over together in my hands again.  

Caleb at bedtime on his 1st birthday- June 2012.

This is life.  Its busy, each stage is all encompassing and then its gone.  You can't hold on to it too tightly and you can't slow it down.  I was sad that I missed my last bedtime with Aaron in that bed, but I didn't really miss it.  Maybe I didn't savor that particular last one as much as I could have had I known.  But I was there in that queen bed a thousand times over the last three years and I savored a lot of them, more than just the last one, and I think that's what counts.