Tears, Tantrums and Talking Back

Its been a long week around here.  Lots of tears, tantrums, and bad attitudes.  And I haven't even gotten to the part about the kids' behavior.  This last week beat me down and ran me over.

Photo by Wendy Hazen Photography

Don't get me wrong.  There were some delicious moments in there.  Moments like Caleb leaning over at bedtime to give me kisses.  Or Caleb smiling and folding his hands when I asked him if Mommy should pray.

Possibly the only sweet moment during our outing that day...oh how this dimpled boy challenges me and makes me smile.

There was laughter, lots of it.  James is big into making up his own jokes right now.  Usually they don't make sense but that's often why they are so funny.  Oh that boy never ceases to amaze me with his thoughts!

Photo by Wendy Hazen Photography

Andrew's sweet thoughtfulness made it into the mix. The times where he unloaded groceries for me without me asking for any help.  The time where he arranged all of Aaron's stuffed animals on his bed in a nice way to surprise him.

Do you think Aaron has enough stuffed animals??

Aaron entertained me with his questions at bedtime about life and warmed my heart with his requests to snuggle and to pray for him.  And his patience.  He asked me several times today to make chocolate milk for him and it took me a few hours to get around to doing it (for lots of reasons).  Each request was pleasant and good-natured.  Clearly he gets that from his father.

Rock climbing for the first time

Those moments were there.  But there were also the "other" moments.  The ones that seemed like they lasted an eternity and were out of a parenting book gone wrong.  The outing to Pirate's Cove (hands down my favorite summer activity with the boys for the last 5 years) where Caleb screamed and writhed like he was possessed each time we waited in line and again when his turn on the ride was over.  I was dripping with sweat and embarrassment by the end of the outing.

Oh, the screaming!!

The moments where shoes were thrown at another brother's head, where a brother was thrown to the ground in anger by another and the talking back.  So much talking back!

Let's try to push past each other down the slide with no regard to the unsuspecting and unrelated boy in the background.

This week I found myself wallowing in the "other moments".  I felt inadequate and overwhelmed. 
There is only one me and the parenting demands seemed never-ending.  I failed in so many ways and the failures kept playing over and over in my mind.

Last night, I said no more.  I've had enough.  Tomorrow can be different.  Lamentations 3:21-23 "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.  Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Photo by Wendy Hazen Photography

I prayed.  And I acted.  I decided we needed some extra motivation to make the right choices.  I came up with a game plan.  Today the boys & I executed the attitude change plan.  We went to the dollar store and loaded up on glass stones (we call them marbles).  We also bought each of the 3 big boys and myself a glass container (yes, I'm included in one this too).  For now, our system is that each time the boys obey without being disrespectful, they can earn a marble.  Each time there is a tantrum or disrespect, they can lose one.  I earn my "marbles" by not raising my voice and by using the right tone with them (not the impatient, exhausted, sarcastic one that has been ever present this week).

On the way home from our errands, I talked to the boys about Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God."  In a house full of rowdy boys, we need some peacemakers.  We need boys who are willing to go second (or last), to share their toys, to do what is asked of them without complaining,  and to keep their hands to themselves. We went around and identified the ways we were and were NOT peacemakers today. 

Photo by Wendy Hazen Photography

At dinnertime we came up with a list of 3 potential "rewards" that each person could enjoy once their jar was full.  I tried to have the kids focus on experiences rather than a specific material item.  I have no idea how long it will take to fill the jars.  I don't care.  We just need to do something different than what we've been doing.  Something to break the bad habits. Something to help us all stay calm and silly and loving.

Photo by Wendy Hazen Photography

This system isn't a cure and it isn't the strongest means of change at my disposal.  I have God on my side and prayer as my channel to be poured out and filled up.  So, today I've gone to my knees again.  I've asked God to give me strength and patience again (and I'm sure this will not be the last).  The patience to continue to parent these flawed but awesome four little boys.  I'm praying for the patience to tell them no in a quiet, gentle but firm voice.  The strength to let them experience the consequences of their behaviors.   I'm praying for the energy to keep up with them.

Photo by Wendy Hazen Photography

Tonight there was sweetness in the goodnight hugs and last kisses, excitement in the playing of a simple board game, and laughter.  There were still some moments of attitude (and a lost marble or two) sprinkled in there.  The only thing missing was my anger and negativity.  And I'm pretty sure nobody really missed it.

This is my bracelet.  I've been wearing it for months.  I'm not sure that they do this yet, but this is the type of mother I want to be.